


Lay All Your Love On Me

by Yellow_Beacon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Body Worship, Boys Being Boys, Canon Compliant, Chris is so in love, First Time, Hurts So Good, Idiots in Love, M/M, Set in May 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24327118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Beacon/pseuds/Yellow_Beacon
Summary: A mid-night trip to a dimly lit restaurant proves to be a good way to realise just how much you love your best friend, especially when that best friend is a boy who has absolutely no problem whatsoever to deal with your awkward new-found realisation.orBoys will be boys, and Chris is a sucker for one boy in particularly. So when Felix suggest that they should run away for the night, Chris can't do much more than just follow blindly.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 10
Kudos: 225





	Lay All Your Love On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my darlings ♥ Today is my birthday!! I'm back at it again with another chanlix fic ♥ I love these boys so much lmao ♥ I hope you're good, and that you enjoy the warmer days ♥

It was late. Way, way too late to be doing anything special at all. The big, never fully asleep city outside was slumbering with one eye open and the moon had already been up and high on the sky for hours. Chris’ eyes felt like Mr. Sandman had accidently dropped two full bags of his magical sand instead of the usual small grains behind his eyelids when someone knocked on the door to the studio. He paused the looped piece of music, frowned to himself and glanced at the source of the noise. Waited a few seconds and removed his headphones just to be sure that he heard correctly when the knocking was heard again, more urgent this time.  
“Can I come in?” A very recognizable voice asked, and Chris felt his lips curl up in a small smile,  
“It’s open” he answered before the door clicked open and a familiar young man dressed all in black peeked at him from underneath a low hanging cap.  
“Hi” he said. Voice raspy and tired as he sat down on one of the chairs next to him and Chris had to put down his headphones and physically take a hold of his own thighs to prevent his hands from reaching forward and take the other into his arms.  
“Felix” he breathed out in a way that was way to heavy and intense than he first intended, and he bit down on the side of his cheek to not grimace at his own clumsiness. The younger didn’t seem to care though, or he didn’t notice.   
“Yeah, sorry for bothering you… I- I couldn’t sleep” he said, took off his cap, placed it on the desk and averted his gaze, like he was actually embarrassed by the fact that he wasn’t sleepy, “I didn’t want to bother the others by my pacing at home, since they’d all gone to bed... so I thought that I could come here...”  
"And bother me instead??" Chris asked with a wink and Felix opened his mouth to defend himself, clearly flustered, “I'm kidding" the older added quickly with a gentle chuckle and couldn't help himself from reaching forward, pull the younger towards his chest and close his arms around him, "You never bother me Felix”  
His friend smelled of cologne and laundry detergent, of a day’s old deodorant and that familiar musky undertone of boy that was just only his own and Chris couldn't help but inhale deeply. Felt how the weight and stress of work lifted from his body and Felix only glanced at him shortly before he broke out in a shy smile when they separated again, barely letting Chris take a good look at him before he averted his gaze again.  
Chris wanted to savour that smile though, that curious, timid spark in his eyes and the way his freckles shined through so much harder after he’d removed the usual bb cream he used whenever they had a full day off activities. A strike of concern shot through him when his consciousness caught up with the deep intimacy of his thoughts and he fought his own feelings while his mind shouted at him to just get over himself and just keep the snapshot of how Felix looked at the moment in the photobook of his memories.   
He expected the younger to add something else. A complaint about why Chris just couldn’t come back home with him. A request to put on some music. A question if the older needed any help... but Felix kept quiet, fingers playing with a loose thread in his ripped jeans while he looked down on his lap. Chris probably shouldn’t think about it, or even pry in the others business but it really seemed like something was bothering his friend and he couldn’t help but reach out again, even though every instinct told him to keep his hands to himself.  
“Something wrong?” the older asked, met the younger’s gaze and the song he was supposed to have ready in just two days was immediately completely forgotten on the computer screen, the very moment his fingers brushed against the others shoulder.  
“No” Felix smiled at him again, reassuring this time, even though he continued to fiddle with the loose thread, “No I- uh… I was just thinking…” he drifted off and the worry in Chris' heart, changed to curiosity in the pit of his stomach.  
“Thinking…?” the older said, eyes squinting with suspicion and Felix wet his lips, a bit constrained from his thoughts before he shoved his hands into the black ‘District 9: Unlock’ hoodie he was wearing, a mixture between a smile and a pout on his lips now,  
“Run away with me, hyung” he said with a small shrug and if Chris heart wasn’t already ticking away in an awfully quick speed, just by giving the younger that tight hug and then simply being in his presence when his sleep deprived mind wanted nothing but cuddle and hug and kiss the other senseless (not that he would actually try and kiss Felix… No… no no no no, the dude was like his best friend and little brother and he wouldn’t want to ruin that)   
So instead he just snorted slightly and motioned at the screen with a small nod and a gentle smile, “Sorry mate, I gotta work... and even if I want to-” ‘especially with you’ he thought quietly to himself, “We can’t just run away. What would the boss say if we went missing?”  
And Felix said the only reasonable thing he could come up with, simply because he was Felix and way too polite, “Yeah, sorry… I- I knew it was a bad idea to bother you” he scrunched his nose slightly with the sweetest smile he could muster, like the cute gesture would make up for breaking into his hyungs personal space, destroy his ‘work bubble’ and make him lose his concentration, “See you tomorrow, then?” he added quickly and was just about to stand up when Chris reached out and took a hold of his forearm,  
“No. Felix” he said, maybe a bit too loud. Grimaced, gave the younger an apologetic smile and looked at him with eyes that begged him to stay, “I umm…” he gave the screen a quick glance before turning back, “I’ll run away with you, for tonight at least, lemme just…” he let go of the other temporarily, made sure that everything was saved and completely missed the sharp inhale and quiet, hard swallow the younger did behind him. Not that Felix would ever admit holding his breath the second the older took a hold of his arm, or how his stomach did a row of small happy somersaults to the childish thought of the both of them running away together and never coming back.  
-  
“So, where are you taking me?” Chris asked a few minutes later when they’d left the agency and was strolling down the street, seemingly on the way back to the dorm.   
It was a calm night in the middle of the week, the beginning of May and still a bit chilly at times when the wind took speed, but comfortable nonetheless and the oversized leather jacket that Felix had brought with him, just in case, hung loosely over his shoulders. A car passed every few minutes but the whole street was completely empty from people and the younger only gave him a small smirk over his shoulder while he led the way, one step ahead.   
Ok… maybe Chris was getting a bit nervous. The lack of control in the situation made his skin tingle and a chilly feeling rumbled around in his body when he asked where they were going, once again, when Felix continued to walk forward with determined steps instead of taking a left turn like they normally would when walking home.   
“It’s a secret” the younger said smugly,  
“Well can you walk a bit slower then? I’ve been sitting on my ass for like three hours and you push me out to go power walking in the middle of the night” Chris complained and frowned unhappily while he nearly stumbled over the edge of the sidewalk when they crossed a street,  
“You can hold my hand if it makes you feel better”  
And now he was getting teased as well... Chris sighed and glanced down on the younger’s smaller hand that reached out for him to take. He rolled his eyes since he knew that handholding wasn’t really a necessity (the street was still very empty and it wasn’t like he was going to get lost) but still took a quick step extra before lacing their fingers together, and didn’t say a word when Felix couldn’t hide the happy smile that played on his lips when his friend accepted the cheeky request.  
They walked even more, into a part of town that Chris had been only once or twice, and he was completely sure that they must’ve gotten lost when another ten awfully long minutes had passed, and Felix wasn’t slowing down. He was just about to start protesting again about where they were going when he finally saw twinkling lights a bit further down the street. It was a small, dimly lit restaurant, barely anything more than a hole in the wall, completely vacant off people and the young woman over the small counter greeted them with a bright smile before leading them to one of the three tables further back.  
“How did you even find this?” Chris asked and was unsure if he should be scared that Felix ventured out on trips (alone?) to find tiny gems like the one they were currently at or just impressed because… well, how?  
“A friend recommended it to me” Felix answered while he played with the tablecloth and Chris exhaled silently in relief,  
“Aha, who?” he asked curiously but Felix just shook his head again,  
“Secret” he said, and Chris squinted his eyes in a fake annoyance. Who could this person be that randomly requested this place?  
“Any thoughts on drinks? Starters? Or perhaps you’re already ready to order?” the sweet woman seemed to have teleported at their table, eagerly ready to write down their orders with a notebook and pen in her hand,  
Shit, he didn’t even know what they served at this place. Pork, chicken, no wait… he scrambled with what both looked and felt like a very, very greasy menu that nearly stuck to the table when he picked it up. But he’d barely seen even one dish when Felix beated him to it,  
“I’ll have the kimchi jjigae with pork” the younger said simply without even picking up the menu and a weird feeling struck through the older for just a quick second. How many times had Felix been at this small and cramped place for him to be so familiar with what they served? Or was the said dish just a recommendation from the same ‘friend’?  
“Anything to drink?” the woman continued, and Felix gave her a soft smile, “Just water” before the two turned to Chris and the woman gave him the same relaxed customer service smile,  
“I’ll…uh...” he skimmed through the ten different dishes that covered the slightly yellow, one sided laminated paper, “I’ll have the uh…”  
“He’ll have what I’m having” Felix interrupted and met Chris' surprised eyes, “You won’t regret it” he added with a small smile when Chris gave him a look of doubt,  
“Two glasses of water and two kimchi jjigae with pork coming right up” the woman gave them both another warm smile and was just about to turn away when Felix stopped her,  
“Oh, and could we have a bottle of Soju as well?”   
The question threw her off-guard for a second and it looked like she was just about to turn on her heel and ask for their ID cards but quickly regained the smile on her lips with a small nod, before disappearing behind a curtain in the wall a bit further down. Chris guessed that she must think that they were within the legal age of drinking at the very least, since the clock on his wrist had passed 3am and it was just a regular night in the middle of the week. Not to mention that they were in the totally wrong part of town when it came to schools and family residences... Or she might’ve paused because she recognised them and… and.  
“What were you thinking? We can’t drink, what if someone sees us?” Chris asked, suddenly much more aware of the random cars that drove by once every few minutes,  
“They can’t see us” Felix said and waved his hand dismissively at the passing traffic, “And what are people gonna do if they saw that it was you and me? Scream at us not to drink? It’s not like we’ve broken any laws” he continued with his chin resting on his knuckles and elbows on the table while he looked out over the scenery across the street.  
The Han river was steadily flowing about a hundred meters away, just on the other side of the green, grassy park on the other side of the street they sat next to. The street itself was one of the smaller ones with only two lanes, but also seemed to be one that led into the heart of the city, which meant that despite the grassy park, the restaurant probably didn't have a lot of patrons during rush hours. That might've been one reson why Chris had never heard off it.  
“Two glasses of water” the woman interrupted their view and put down two big, full glasses in front of them, “and a bottle of Soju" Chris gave her a thankful smile while taking a big gulp of water, "I trust that your friend here is of legal age, huh? Yongbokkie?”  
This time Chris couldn’t mask his surprise. A surprise that Felix himself never saw because he smiled back happily at the woman, who was currently clutching her tray to her chest like a schoolgirl talking to her crush. The water Chris had taken a mouthful of suddenly tasted strange in his mouth.  
“Ah, hyung here is older than me”  
Felix reassured and the woman looked between them with curious eyes before Felix snorted out a small chuckle, “Don’t you trust me, Chiyhun-ah?” he continued while the woman giggled behind her hand,  
“Of course I trust you” she winked at him and probably would’ve stayed and flirted with him even more if it wasn’t for a man’s voice at the other end of the restaurant, calling her name,  
“Yongbokkie?” Chris repeated with raised brows and Felix whipped his head around to the older again with a small “Huh?” before he smiled shyly, “Oh yeah, I guess you could say that I’m a bit of a regular here by now”  
By now? _By when?_ How could the younger have sneaked out without Chris even knowing? Or had he been paying visits during the day as well? He must’ve been here a lot since he and that… What was her name? Chinnie? Chihan? Chiwhi? Kiwi? No wait-  
“What’s going through your head, bro? You look like you’re trying to figure out, like... a great mystery or something” Felix chuckled before taking a gulp of water and it was so light and heartful that it nearly hurt.  
The fact that someone else had been hearing that laughter directed at them for months, someone that wasn’t himself, or their little family back home that was (hopefully) all asleep by now, or Felix's own family or Stay or-   
Wait… he wasn’t getting... jealous… was he?   
“Ah, nothing really. Work…” he answered with a small white lie.   
“Noooe, don’t think about work. If anything, think about our new comeback and how successful it will be, even though the world is literally trying to pull an extinction event on all of us” Felix said with a gentle smile and scooted forward a small glass in his direction. The clear liquid inside trembled a little from being dragged across the tablecloth and the older grabbed it before it had to complete its journey.  
“Yeah, cheers to us” Chris said a bit absent while taking the small glass and shot back the liquor with a grimace.  
“To us” Felix agreed, shot back his shot as well, swallowed hard, coughed and gave Chris a look of utter sadness while sticking his tongue out before dragging it over the roof of his mouth to get rid of the taste, “Ugh, forgot how much I hated this” he muttered and the older snorted out a small chuckle,  
“We don’t have to drink”  
“I know, I know. I just… I felt like doing it... you know? This is just a time where nothing seems to be going alright and I just wanna… lose that feeling” Felix gave him a small smile while pouring the next serving and Chris just nodded.   
He’d been feeling that same thing too. Of hopelessness. Of sadness for all the cities he never got to visit. Of loss for all the Stays he never got to see. He kept himself busy of course. But it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. He lived to perform, to see their fans. To watch them dance and sing along to their songs.  
“For trying new things and new places” Felix said next and clinked his glass with Chris with a smug smile on his lips.  
“Your food, gentlemen” they got interrupted again, just before Chris was about to swallow the shot and the woman (he’d already forgotten her name) placed the stews at their places.   
“Thank you, Chiyhun-ah” Felix said and gave her a bright smile before picking up his spoon,  
“Ah, actually Yongbokkie… I wanted to ask you…” the woman, started and poked a pebble with the tip of her shoe while she averted her gaze,   
“Yeah?” Felix hummed with his mouth already full, nose in the screen of his phone and completely unaware of the situation that was currently going down,  
“I just wanted to ask if you- I mean if we- could maybe- if you ever have the time-”  
“He’s with me” Chris interrupted before he could stop himself and felt his stomach drop when two pair of surprised eyes looked up into his. Felix managed to swallow hard before he turned his gaze up to the woman next to him and she wet her lips nervously when their eyes met again,  
“Oh- sorry. I got the impression- never mind. I… I- uh” she stuttered and immediately looked even more embarrassed,  
As if Chris hadn’t dug himself a grave deep enough, something in his brain decided to fill it up with scorching hot water as well and he cursed under his breath after his hand reached forward and grabbed Felix's over the table in an overprotective way, “I can see where you’d like this to go. But he’s off limits unfortunately” he continued, and the young woman just glanced at Felix one more time before she scurried off behind the curtain again.  
“Hyung?” Felix asked and pulled away his hand like he just got burned.  
Chris didn’t want to answer. Didn’t want to put words on the mixed, angry feelings that currently burned hotter than the stew on his tongue.   
“What was all that about?” the younger pressed on while Chris kept shovelling food into his mouth, more to buy time than actually sate his hunger. Which was a pity, because the stew was really good and he felt a tinge of regret over the fact that he was currently destroying their nice night out with unnecessary, overblown drama,  
“Christopher? Can you at least look at me?”   
His full name sounded wrong coming from the younger and he finally looked up, met Felix eyes behind dark, heavy lashes and swallowed hard because the man in front of him was actually smiling. A concerned smile though, one that invited his friend to talk. He didn’t deserve him, Chris thought, he didn’t deserve to even be in the same presence of the younger, not when he was so apologetic and so sweet despite Chris acting like a complete fucking idiot,  
“Why are you so obsessive and paranoid all of a sudden?” the younger continued and Chris sighed, wondered silently how the hell he was even going to swim to the surface of the deep pool he’d created and started off carefully,  
“You know… just because we’re off the dating ban doesn’t mean that you should throw yourself over the first pretty girl you see. It’s only been barely one and a half month after all”  
Felix opened his mouth, closed it again when he didn’t know what to answer and only gave the older a deep frown,  
“Chiyhun isn’t ‘the first girl since the ban was lifted’ I’ve known her for months” Felix answered, clearly hurt by the dismissiveness of his pure character and Chris could only nod.  
Something inside him was burning- no corroding him, ate away at him from within. The pain reminded him of the sucking feeling in his gut when he’d gone a bit too far without eating, except this feeling seemed to spread through his body, from his toes and his fingertips, around his throat, choking him and blinding his vision. Bleeding into his lungs like water and wrapped around his heart hard enough to make it squeeze.   
He swallowed hard.   
Tried to take a deep breath to calm himself down. Tried to overcome the white, hot feeling when Felix reached his hand out towards him again. His knuckles covered by the black sweatshirt and those small fingers barely peeked out from the sleeve when his fingertips lightly caressed the back of his friend’s hand. As if he could feel the black, swirling smoke that had taken over the older by now and wanted to comfort him, despite the harsh, mindless words,  
“But…” Chris cleared his throat and tried not to delve deeper into the nice, calming feeling of the way Felix’s fingertip drew tiny circles over his hand while he looked at him with those soft, peaceful eyes, “The two of you haven’t gone on your first date yet, it seems… since she was just about to ask you” he continued and felt how he had to speak slower than usual to prevent himself from lashing out,  
“No, we haven’t” Felix answered and looked away again while he poked around in the stew with his spoon without any effort to actually start eating again.   
_Shit. He just had to really destroy the nice meal they were having, didn’t he?_  
“Have you fucked yet?”  
The metal spoon clanged awfully loud against the porcelain of the bowl when it slipped from Felix's hand and Chris grimaced when the sound resonated through the walls of their quiet space. He didn’t dare to look up at first. Too scared that the vulgar, crude words would be the last drop and the younger would just get up and leave. But he wasn’t met by an outburst of protests, or any sort of implications that his friend was going to object to the question.  
“No… and it has never been my intention either” Felix said quietly while he picked up the spoon again and went back to poking around in his food,  
“Why?” the older asked, confused now,  
“Because I don’t like her that way” Felix shrugged and gave him a grimace that was meant to look like a smile, “I think she’s pleasant to talk to. I’ve convinced her that I’m an office worker that helps in the development of new games. She doesn’t know about Stray kids, and I don’t plan on ever telling her. It's a nice thing to talk to someone who sees you for who you are and not for the way they have projected you in their head"  
Chris kept quiet, finally, and forced down some kimchi and pork to prevent his mouth from saying something stupid again. A small blush flushed his cheeks red from the raw, unwashed interaction that had taken place between them. A few minutes passed in quiet, Felix shot back the glass of Soju that had been resting next to his water since they got their food, and Chris mirrored his action while Felix poured once more and shot it back without the common politeness of waiting. It threw the older off guard for a second, since the drink should be taken at the same time and he watched when his friend started to eat again as well.   
“I’m sorry” Chris said just before he poured the very last in the bottle and shot back that as well, “It wasn’t my meaning to… express myself so clumsily” Felix only hummed back and the fiery anger that had burned so brightly in the older’s heart got replaced by a small pyre that begged not to be completely put out, “I- I don’t know- it wasn’t my intention to- uh…” he struggled and clenched his jaw when the feelings in his body couldn’t be placed into words of either of the languages he knew. He flicked his head while grimacing, annoyed with the situation. Bit down on his lower lip to fight the heavy stone that settled in the pit of his stomach with the complete conviction that he’d ruined the magical getaway that Felix had constructed for them.  
“I- I got jealous” he started a few minutes later and met the younger’s eyes when he looked up in surprise, “I got jealous of her, of this… this place that I have never heard off... that- that you’ve apparently been to a bunch of times and- and” The Soju had settled down very comfortable with the kimchi jjigae in his stomach and he must be tipsy already because he was pretty sure that the slight tingling in his fingertips wasn’t from the chilling wind that came rushing through the corridor of the restaurant from the open door.   
“You are... jealous?” Felix repeated with a puzzled expression and Chris felt how a deep shame showered over him, “Yeah, and that woman... I- I dunno what came over me, but I just felt that I had to… “ he drifted off again , shrugging from the lack of words and Felix- one of his favourite people and maybe even best friend in the whole world, the amazing, gorgeous angel he was- _actually giggled_.  
“You were protective of me? Why? Just doing your part as a bigger brother, or?”  
‘Protective?’ Chris tasted the word and tried, much like a toddler that played with a game of different shapes and which similar slot it should go in, to put the word in the same box as his emotions. Was that it? Was he just afraid that his little fellow Aussie bro was going to get in trouble with another woman- as in maybe getting caught and creating a scandal? Or was he afraid that Felix ( _my Lixie_ , his alcohol influenced mind happily purred back at him) was going to get in trouble with another woman- as in him being shared with _yet another person_ and therefore having one more that was going to want his time and energy.   
Time and energy that Chris wanted the younger to place on him...   
Time and energy that could be used to cuddle, close, _close_ to each other when Chris came back from the studio in the early morning or Felix got back from dance practise, freshly showered and so, _so warm_ and nice that the older never wanted to let him go. To hug until he felt every hard edge, every uneven crest, every tiny detail that was all Felix. To kiss until it felt like he was going to drown, but unlike the times when he’d nearly actually done so back at home- he’d gladly let Felix pull him under.  
To fuck until they were both shaking, holding the younger tight against him while he pounded into him, Felix face when he was right about to lose it, the feeling of his body trembling- wait.  
 _Oh._  
“Shit” he cursed to himself.   
“What?” Felix asked, and the usual tender curiosity that always seemed to burn in those brown eyes of his, seemed to burn even brighter now when alcohol was mixing in with the blood that pumped through his body.   
Chris opened his mouth to defend the sudden curse, met the younger’s eyes across the table and- ... had the younger always been so enchantingly beautiful? Or was it just the golden, hushed glow of the lightbulb over their heads? The way the light casted down on him made his eyelashes look longer and fuller than normally, framing his frame, with that cute button nose and the wonderful cupid's bow that curled over a perfect lower lip and dear God above, he was actually gushing about one of his best friends features… _What was wrong with him?_  
“Hyung? You’re scaring me a bit” Felix licked his lower lip into his mouth before he gently bit down onto it with his eyelids sleepy fluttering, seemingly unaware of how seductive he looked at the moment and Chris could feel a familiar throbbing warmth in the pit of his stomach when he suddenly saw his friend in an entirely different light,  
“Should we go?” he asked and forcibly pulled himself back from the dangerous downwards spiral he was going through and pointed towards the exit with his hands in finger guns, as if his words weren't clear enough.  
“Uh... sure” Felix said cautiously but couldn’t help the amused smile that tugged in the corners of his lips.  
They paid for their meals at the counter while a middle-aged man who looked like the chef and owner, helped them this time. Felix gave the curtain behind him a curious look and Chris felt a twitch of guilt crash through him. Maybe the woman didn’t want to have anything to do with them now after Chris had embarrassed her so badly.   
“Spare the change and give it to the lovely lady that works for you” he said with a small smile while handing over the money and the man gave him a bright thankful smile before bidding them goodnight.  
Chris had barely turned around fully before Felix crossed the street behind them with next to no regard of the traffic whatsoever and he had to wait for a car to pass before he could reach the younger on the other side,   
“What are you doing? You can just walk out into traffic like that” he complained but Felix only stuck his tongue out while he looked out over the grassy scenery in front of them. It was a small park, about a hundred meters or so until it reached an asphalt walkway that most likely stretched around the whole park. A security fence ran next to the walkway and then there was another maybe two meters before you reached the Han River. It was well-kept and freshly mowed, despite its size, with a few trees and scenic flowers, some benches here and there along the walkway and now, with the moonlight casting it’s ghostly shine on the early morning dew that rested in the grass around their feet- a comforting feeling of peace settled in Chris body.  
“Race you to the river” Felix said while he set off in a sprint down the small hill and didn't give the older even a second to react before the game was on,  
Chris was fast, he always had been, and he knew that Felix was aware of that as well because the younger shouted out with annoyance just before the older easily passed and the distance between them grew with each passing breath-taking second.   
The iron railing was cold in his hands when he reached their finish point and he was thankful that he gripped it hard because his flat shoes did nothing when trying to aimlessly find some sort of grip on the wet grass. Which reminded him…  
They collided faster than he could blink and both men flapped with their arms when desperately trying to grip for balance in thin air before finally ending up on the grass. A second or two passed before Chris opened his eyes again and he realised that yes; he had fallen- no he wasn’t dead like he thought he’d be when escaping the iron of the railing was the only thought in his mind as he fell, and no, the reason why his back was damp wasn’t because he’d hit something and ripped up his entire body but rather because he’d landed on his back and the grass was once again reminding him that is was indeed very, very wet.  
“Shit, sorry” Felix apologized above him and Chris came to realize yet another thing- the younger felt _good_ where he was; straddled over his waist with their chests flushed together, the older’s hands on his thighs and Felix own hands resting just underneath Chris’ collarbones to keep himself upright.   
Felix was close, _too close_ , for Chris and his naughty mind to be fully comfortable, but he still couldn’t resist the need to let his hands travel up over Felix's thighs a bit, and he shuddered slightly when he felt how the muscles underneath clenched at his touch when his thumbs rubbed the inner side. The younger did that thing again- bit down onto his lower lip and watched Chris with a playful curiosity, as if he didn’t mind that his friend was touching him in such an intimate kind of way, but rather just wondered why. Chris opened his mouth to say something. Defend the way he felt the same warmth pool inside him again, maybe? Or the fact that he was actually getting awfully turned on when Felix hands wandered over his way too thin shirt, fingertips brushing over nipples that hardened up embarrassingly quickly and the older hoped that he could just blame the cold chill that moved around them if Felix would ask.  
“It's uh… fine” he answered, and his words seemed to break the spell between them. Felix swallowed hard, quickly pulled down his sweatshirt down over his crotch with a tight fist while standing up again and Chris held back the groan of disapproval when the weight of him disappeared. He had lived for long enough around young men to recognize when someone was horny but refused to ponder about it since Felix was most likely just flustered from feeling their bodies so close in such a loaded situation.   
His heart was still beating hard, both from the running and the feeling of younger on him and if it wouldn’t be for the fact that their clothes and shoes were pretty much soaked, he could’ve probably been running around with Felix until morning.  
“We should head home” he said and placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, felt him shudder under his touch and got struck with yet another need to just hold him close.  
Felix agreed with a soft hum of disappointment and nodded silently while they started the climb up the small hill again. It was significantly colder now when the wind took a tight grip around the water particles in their clothes and turned them even colder. Chris was happy that the younger at least brought a jacket with him and kindly refused it when Felix offered it to him at first.  
The walk home took almost twenty minutes and both men slumped against the walls of the elevator while going up, yawned while unlocking the entrance door and Felix groaned at the big analogue clock in the diner at their left, watched with tired eyes while the longer hand of it passed 4:10am. Chris had been shivering for the past five minutes and he hoped desperately that he wouldn’t catch a cold. The dorm was quiet except for two hushed voices who he recognized as Minho and Jisung’s in the bedroom at the far back and Chris wondered if he was going to find their youngest snugly covered up in Minho’s bed, underneath his own.   
They shed their wet clothes without shame, (that step had been taken long, long ago) dumped it in the washer and Felix looked behind him for a second, into the darkness of his own bedroom where Changbin’s soft snores could be heard.  
“I’m cold” he said, and Chris swallowed hard when he looked upon the younger.   
His body… _dear God his body_ , kissed by the soft illumination from the small light above the sink and like the perfect mixture of a mortal young man and a God. Weak, tired and dressed in only underwear for now but still… with that body, pale still from six months of sunless winter, hard and defined with muscles like marble... Gods be good, he really took the older’s breath away without any effort at all.  
“Join me in the shower” Chris spoke before he could stop himself and he was unsure if it was the Soju that still played with the deeply rooted, subconscious feelings like an inner puppet master that pulled out every dirty little sinful wish he’d ever had towards the younger, or if his own mind was just tired of playing according to rules that he’d set up for himself the very moment Felix had closed his arms around him and placed a chaste, invisible kiss underneath his earlobe in national television when they got the verdict that seven would be nine.  
“What?” Felix asked and wet his lips, almost nervously,  
“Come on” Chris urged and nodded backwards towards the big bathroom, “It will be quicker, and we can go to bed feeling warmer than now”  
“I… guess” the younger said slowly while he closed the bathroom door behind him.  
Chris was sure that his heart must've grown twice as big considered how hard it was beating in his chest and he made sure not to stare too hard (because even though the night had slapped him in the face with the fact that maybe, maybe there might be more than just brotherly feelings in his heart for the younger- he wasn’t a creep that peeped at others)   
Felix let him take the lead, waited for the water to get warm before he joined Chris underneath the stream and sighed heavily when it ran down his body, slowly but steadily warming him up.   
Chris wasn’t looking- no way in hell. He absolutely _did not_ notice the way Felix’s breath got caught in his throat when he just stood underneath the stream of water and let it trickle down over the soft, fine, dark hair that covered his body. He _did not_ think about the cute little birthmarks on his right arm or the deep lighter scars on his left that bore a story he was unsure if he even wanted to know. He _did not_ observe every jut of bone, every raise of strong muscle from dancing and cardio, every single detail that made up the young man in front of him.  
“I know it’s been sometime since we last showered together and the scrawny kid that used to join you on our trainee days is pretty much gone- but it’s still rude to stare”  
Felix said and smirked at him when he heard how the water splashed next to his feet when Chris started to shower himself without another word. He was unsure if he should be thankful that Felix had his eyes closed (polite as always) for the entire time, only opening them momentarily when grabbing the shampoo, because Chris had, _just maybe_ , started to get a bit hard while watching the younger clean himself off the thick layer of soap he lathered on his body… or if it would've been for the better if Felix could see the effect he had on the older so Chris wouldn’t have to feel like a peeping creep.  
The cosy time was over way too soon though and Felix climbed out the shower first, almost aggressively drying off the drops on himself so he could get in bed as soon as possible. Chris on the other hand was just the opposite and preferred to air dry a bit. He had put on a pair of underwear and an old shirt but was still drying his hair when Felix came back to the bathroom, hair still a bit wet, dressed in a tank top and black boxer shorts, a sweet smile on his lips and eyelids heavy from drowsiness.   
“Imma head to bed, thank you for tonight. Good night Chris”   
The older wasn’t even gonna scold him from the lack of honorifics, he was way too tired and way too drained to have that kind of energy and only gave his friend a smile back before bidding him goodnight as well, picked up his hairbrush while he heard shuffling in the bedroom that was door to door from the bathroom and gently combed his hair with a small frown when the door was pushed close until there was only a small gap between it and the doorpost. The rustling of fabric when Felix climbed into bed. The drop of the older’s stomach when he placed the comb back in its usual place. The sound of the younger’s satisfied sigh when he buried his head into the pillow. The butterfly light feeling of Chris' heart fluttering when his mind made a silent decision.   
It was ten steps from his place in front of the mirror, in a straight line, to Felix’s bed and he turned off the light switch while walking as if under a trance, closed the bathroom door after him, opened the door to the bedroom in front of him, took four more steps and then climbed into the younger’s bed without a word,  
“Hyung?” Felix asked and paused the ASMR video he was about to watch,  
“I’m not gonna let you go. Not now when I've done enough to leave us both confused. I- I wanna know more about you, every birthmark on your body and every story behind every scar” he carefully let his fingertips brush against the deepest gash on the youngers arm and his friend gasped breathlessly when the fingertips continued over his arm, to his shoulder, the dip of his collarbone, his neck and throat and the edge of his jawline.  
“I… want to know you, _I want you_ , that’s why I acted like an ass earlier. I couldn’t imagine someone else having what I have. Having you…" he trailed off and just barely saw how Felix gave him a gentle smile in the darkness,  
“But you have me” Felix pointed out, a bit confused, and watched his friend with worried cautious eyes.   
Chris should’ve known.  
He felt like he’d overstepped a boundary once again and nodded shortly before he made the effort to get off the bed again,  
“Wait I-” Felix started and placed a hand around Chris' wrist to prevent him from going, “I mean it. You already have me. If you want to know the stories, the things that I still hide, you can have it all. I- I want you too. I just never thought that you-”   
“I do" Chris couldn't help but smile, "Lixie- since the beginning. I’ve just been scared but tonight… shit, I really am sorry for my bad behaviour. Seeing you with someone else, someone who could potentially steal you away from me… it fired up something that I couldn’t deny”   
“Just kiss me” Felix interrupted, breathless as he pulled the older back into his arms and Chris could only groan out a choked up breath when he caught himself on his hands, leaning over the younger for a few seconds before Felix wet his lips and exhaled a muffled, “Please?”  
How many times had he imagined the younger’s lips pressed against his own by now? How many times had he dreamed of this moment? Of the sweet gasps that fell from Felix’s lips? The sharp inhale that broke between them when Chris right hand cupped his face to coax his head to the side and deepen the kiss.   
_Fuck._   
Felix felt so good in his hands, underneath his body. A shaky breath trembled in his chest when Chris tasted his lips over and over again and the younger swiped his tongue sinfully, intoxicatingly against his in a way that the older never would have guessed he could. Felix’s smell surrounded him, the feeling of his body, the whiny gasp that fell from his lips when Chris climbed on top of him and placed himself between his legs- everything, all of it sent the older down in a frenzy and he wanted more, _needed_ more.   
More of the way that Felix grabbed a tight hold of his shirt, pulling on it, _pulling on him_ to push their chests closer together. More of the hitched exhales that escaped between their lips when Chris combed his friend’s hair back from his forehead before tugging on it hard, as if Felix could get any closer to him than he currently was, in a gesture that went from sweet to possessive in a heartbeat. More of the way Felix body rolled in tiny thrusts back up against the older, desperately craving some sort of relief from the tense need that coiled in his stomach.  
“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous” Chris breathed out when they separated for a few seconds to catch their breaths.   
The low moonlight from the badly drawn curtains captured the shine of the silver shades in his hair. Lit up the natural blushing radiance in his face and made the stunning freckles that laid splattered over his cheeks, eyelids and nose glow like the starry sky outside, and Chris couldn’t help but reach out and trace his finger across the constellations of them.  
“I’ve always loved them you know” he said sombrely, and Felix couldn’t help but smile softly. Amidst the craving in their blood, the older still took time to pause and look, too see Felix and not just jump him because of the fiery lust that burned between them, “I love your smile too, your eyes-”  
“I love you” Felix interrupted and the older stopped his tracing, fingertip resting on the younger’s lower lip. He swallowed hard and couldn’t help the small exhale of relief that escaped his body,  
“I love you too Lix” Chris answered before he gently cupped his jaw, thumb in the corner of his mouth and a shiver ran down the younger’s back when their lips met again.  
It was soft this time. Delicate and slow and so filthy that he couldn’t help but groan deeply when Chris’ tongue met his own before their lips did. Open-mouthed and wet, breathing in and out the same air while the older harshly jolted his hips forward in deep, shallow thrusts against his ass.   
“Touch me. Fuck, please. I- I need your hands on me” Felix begged in a hushed whisper and Chris was just about to reach down to pull his tank top up when a groan from the other bed was heard,  
“Wow, you really gonna sexile a man in the middle of the night?”   
They both froze. In the middle of the emotional talking and heavy kissing, they’d completely forgotten about the soft snores of Changbin who now very tiredly glanced at them before yawning, made an annoyed noise of discomfort, grabbed his pillow and stumbled out of the bedroom with heavy steps, “This was about time by the way. Night” he mumbled right before clicking the door close and the two just stared at it for a few seconds before turning to each other again.   
Deep awkward chuckles broke through the funny feeling, Chris mumbled an “Oops” and if it wouldn’t be for the very apparent hard-on that pressed against his stomach, he would’ve revelled in the sweet giggle he received from the younger.   
“Please uh… I still…” Felix started after they’d calmed down from the surprise, a deep swallow bopped his Adam’s apple while cautious hands tugged on Chris' shirt and the older’s breath got caught in his throat when his friend’s gentle fingertips brushed against the heated, naked skin of his abdomen.   
“Tell me what you want me to do” he said, almost startled by his own confidence but Felix didn’t seem to mind the straightforwardness.   
Rather the opposite. The younger exhaled with a frustrated whine, grabbed a hold of his hands, pressed them flat around his waist before thrusting them up under his tank top, “Touch me” he demanded and Chris bit down his lower lip to prevent the deep sigh that threatened to slip from his lips. He couldn’t help but rejoice in the wonderful delight of how _fucking perfect_ the younger fit in his hands, just like the moment back in the park, with his thumbs pressing down on his hipbones, before stroking up over his ribcage, his chest, down over his breastbone, his solar plexus, the abs on his stomach, slipping dangerously low into his underwear and felt the softness of curly pubic hair when Felix choked forth a gasp,   
“How far do you wanna go?” Chris asked and was met by a pair of big, startled eyes,  
“I want you to have me” Felix answered, a blush tinting his cheeks and the older swallowed,  
“Have you how?” he asked, unsure if he even needed the explanation or just wanted the younger to put words on his feelings. Felix whined out a small noise, a mixture between neediness and the turmoil of having to say what he wanted,  
“I… I want you inside of me, I want-” he swallowed hard and Chris could almost taste the overpowering, aroused feeling he emitted, “I need you to fuck me”  
The older was unsure if the taste of blood came from him biting down on his own tongue too hard or if his brain was having a short circuit from overheating but he couldn’t stop the low growl that erupted from his throat nonetheless and didn’t waste a second teasing the younger anymore. The tank top was hastily removed, followed by his own shirt and Felix only let out a choked out gasp when Chris took a hard grip around his thighs, hoisted his legs up around his waist and placed him harshly into his lap, bending his body when he leaned down and captured his lips in another messy kiss. Felix’s heart was beating hard enough to create a white noise in his ears and that mixed with the hushed groans that fell from his friend’s lips was turning him crazy with need.   
He reached forward and placed one hand on the older’s lower back while the other combed through the short hair on the back of Chris head, preventing him from getting up and leaving Felix lips again. Not that he needed to have his hand there, Chris wasn’t going to break away so easily. Not when the younger let out all the sweet, deep sounds that he did whenever their tongues brushed together,   
“Can- can I?” Felix started and let his fingertips linger on the lining of the older’s underwear,   
“Please” Chris begged and then couldn’t help but hold his breath when those small fingers slipped inside and pulled the fabric down to his mid thighs.  
“Is this ok?” the younger asked again and Chris nodded quickly, not able to resist the burning ache in his every limb.  
He was painfully hard, nearly shamefully so, with pre-cum that had already stained his underwear and he was almost thankful to the dim lighting in the room so that Felix couldn't properly see his face contort from pleasure when those fingers closed around his cock, making it twitch in his hand from the gentle touch.  
“I hope you can fit inside me; I’ve only fucked my own fingers before” Felix whispered, and Chris had to hold back from nearly cumming there and then from the shameless words that fell from his lips.  
“I’ll- I’ll prepare you good” he choked out and was met by a small excited chuckle,   
“What are you waiting for then?”   
Felix raised his hips from his lap, to punctuate the words and Chris felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest. What happened to the shy, sweet younger bro that he was so used to? This Felix was surely going to have him dead by the end of the night and he wasn’t even going to complain about it.   
He hooked his own fingers into the lining of the younger’s underwear and slipped them down as well, over his thighs and legs until he threw them over his shoulder before he fully removed his own as well. A second of stillness passed, with them just locking their gaze while the room was getting brighter by the minute. Chris could see him better now, the blonde ruffle of his hair, the bright amber of his eyes that burned into him, the naughty small smirk that curled his lips up when Chris glanced down on his body. The small needy whine that fell from his lips when Chris licked his lower lip into his mouth, watching silently how a translucent bead of pre-cum dripped from the head of the younger’s cock onto his stomach, right below the navel.   
“Can I suck you off?” Chris asked and Felix bit down on the side of his cheek when he met his eyes again,  
He didn’t have to answer though before the older took a hold of him in a firm, gentle grip and leaned down before he licked a long stripe along the underside of his cock.  
“Fuck- Chris” the younger moaned out while his friend closed his lips around the head, hummed to the taste and began slowly jerking him off with his hand, sucked hard and indulged in the hungry short gasps that fell from Felix lips.   
He savoured it, the taste of pre-cum on his tongue, the taste that was only Felix, and couldn’t help but moan deeply because no matter what would happen after, this was _all his_ at the moment. The way that Felix combed his fingers through his hair, tugging on it in a silent request for Chris to take him deeper. The way that he couldn’t help the small jolts of his hips into the warm, tight squeeze around him. The way that his thighs trembled when Chris tried to swallow more around him, choked a little to the intrusion but still pushed forward until Felix hit the back of his throat, looked up with his lips still wrapped around him like that and sighed happily when Felix fingertips brushed against his full cheeks, eyelids heavy and mouth open with the tiniest, sweetest pants coming out.   
“Come here, I- I wanna cum with you inside of me” he choked out and grimaced only slightly when Chris let him go, hummed when he could taste himself on the older’s tongue and separated his legs again before locking his ankles around his friends lower back,   
“Do you have any lube?” Chris asked and Felix nodded towards his nightstand, “I have oil”  
“Condoms?” he asked next and the younger shook his head, “I uh- I don’t… You’re my first” Felix answered, and Chris breath hitched, “You too” he said and was met by a puzzled look, “I mean, you’re mine as well. My first”   
He really shouldn’t feel so excited, he’d never thought that losing his virginity was going to be that special and was pretty sure that he’d lost it ages ago if he would’ve had the time to actually hook up with others. There was still something in his mind that rejoiced at the fact that they would give their firsts to each other. Felix only smiled at him, big and heartful and Chris couldn’t help but lean down and press a long kiss on his lips again before leaning over him, opened the nightstand and fished up a half empty small bottle of almond oil. He popped the cap, dropped a good amount in his palm, tossed it aside, placed one hand on his friend’s hip while the other sneaked between his legs and looked up at Felix who nodded shortly before he pressed his index finger inside the tight ring of muscle. A sharp gasp broke from the younger’s lips and Chris hesitated a moment before pushing it any further,  
“You ok?” he asked, and Felix released the breath he didn’t notice he was holding,  
“I’m fine… it just feels… different” he rolled his hips a little, tried to make it more comfortable but gave up just as quickly, “It sorta… burns a bit”  
“Do you want me to stop?” Chris asked. He was horny as hell and wanted nothing more than to pull out his useless finger and just press his cock inside the tight, warm space of the younger instead, but refused to do anything if it was just going to be pleasant for one of them.  
“No, keep going, it feels better already, think I just gotta get used to it” Felix groaned out and the older swallowed hard, reached for the bottle again and squeezed a few extra drops over the younger’s hole, just to be sure that he wasn’t hurting him before he pulled out his finger again and pushed it in further than before,  
“It feels better- I… fuck, touch there again” Felix moaned out, voice breaking and so impossibly deep and raspy that Chris shuddered. He was knuckle deep and carefully rubbed against the hardened place he accidentally brushed against again, watched with heavy eyelids how Felix back arched off the bed and drops of pre-cum stained his lower belly when his cock twitched,   
“More, please, more” he begged and Chris bit down his lower lip when he removed his finger before carefully inserting his long finger as well.   
God, the younger was so wonderfully beautiful that it felt like he was gasping for air, so warm and tight around his fingers that he almost lost it just _imagining_ how good it would stretch around him. He carefully scissor his fingers, thinking that it would probably be needed if he’d ever be able to fit inside and Felix placed a hand on his cheek, coaxing him up to meet his lips again.   
Chris was unsure if he’d ever been so turned on. It felt like he was going to explode if he couldn’t come soon, and the younger was either overly confident that he’d been prepared enough or just as impatient to reach the finish line as himself because he groaned out a small,   
“I’m ready. Just- just fuck me, please”  
The older swallowed hard, leaned back, grabbed the oil again, coated his cock properly and locked gaze with the younger again. The sun was above the horizon by now and Felix looked absolutely ethereal in the soft, orange glow that shined down on him from behind the curtains. Dark eyes blown out from lust, his hair in a disarray, cheeks and chest flushed red from arousal and whole body heaving from the burning need that shook through him,  
“I love you” he choked out while Chris took a firm hold of his hips, lined up and gave the younger a nervous, intoxicated smile,  
“I love you too, Lixie” he answered before he gently pushed forward and watched the younger’s mouth fall open when the head of the older's cock disappeared within him.  
A long row of curse words fell from his lips and Chris couldn’t help but fall forward and catch the younger’s lips again, just to silence the loud groan that threatened to fall from his own lips while he pushed forward until he was completely bottomed out inside his friend. Felix clenched and unclenched around him, simply as a reaction to get used to the big intrusion inside him and Chris had to bury his face in the crook of his neck, breathing slow and hard to prevent the need of cumming already,  
“You feel so good, Lixie” he managed to choke out and shuddered when the younger rocked his hips, rutting his cock between their hard abs, “So beautiful, I- I can’t believe that you- that you allow me to have all of this with you” he cringed at his own words but Felix just smiled back brightly, a bit breathless,  
“Move, please. Feels like I’m gonna lose it at any second” he begged and Chris swallowed hard before he leaned back, placed his hands around his friends waist again, pulled on his body while pushing out and then slammed his hips back in a row of deep hard thrusts that immediately had the younger thrashing.   
More curses fell from their lips when Chris picked up the speed, and he bit down on his lower lip while Felix’s head fell back harder against the pillow, throat baring while his back arched when the older hit that spot inside him again. The older wouldn’t last long, he knew that and aimed to get the most out of this experience by hoisting Felix up higher onto his lap, putting his legs on his shoulders and let out a deep growl when the younger’s eyes rolled back when Chris was thrusted even deeper inside him. Felix was close as well, nearly tasting the orgasm that was rushing up on him and closed one hand around his leaking cock and couldn’t help but whine out when Chris pushed him down harder into the mattress in his own need for release, pounding him hard enough for the old bed to squeak.   
“Don’t stop” Felix groaned out and Chris gripped him harder, bruising his skin red and only seconds passed before the younger let out a deep moan with cum splattering in long ribbons all over his chest and mouth falling open in a silent scream.  
Fuck, Chris vision blurred from the gorgeous scene in front of him and he held on for as long as he could, thrusting into the younger through his orgasm before he had to let go as well, and held his friend close while his head rolled back and he convulsed, coming inside and filling him up with his cum.  
Felix grimaced when he slipped out, humming to the comfortable ache that spread through his legs when Chris let them go and moved to lie down next to him instead.  
“That was…”  
“Fucking amazing” the older finished and Felix dragged a hand through his hair, pulling it away from the sweat in his forehead.  
A comfortable silence fell between them as the morning began outside. A bird was chirping in the tree by the window and Felix felt how tired he really was as soon as his heartbeat had calmed down a bit.   
His eyelids started to become heavy and Chris leaned over him to grab a used shirt on the floor, dried the cum off his stomach and gave him a soft smile before pressing a chaste kiss on his cheek. He made an effort to sit up but despite his sleepy state, Felix still reached out and wrapped a hand around his wrist,  
“Stay” he begged and the older looked back at him, puzzled with the action, “I mean what I said back then, I love you. I don’t want you to go”   
A small flush of warmth spread through the older’s body, “I’ll stay” he said and laid down again, pulling the thick duvet with him, tucked the younger in underneath his chin and pressed a small kiss on the top of his head, “I love you too, Felix”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please consider leaving a kudo or a comment ♥ I really appriciate them ♥


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